The Center for
Family Safety and Healing
Healthy Digital Boundaries for Families
Caitlin Tully, TRCC-I
Healthy Digital Boundaries for Kids
Kids have different social and emotional
needs as they grow, and caregivers need
different strategies during these ages and
stages.
The foundation for online safety is
creating healthy digital boundaries — what
families are comfortable doing, seeing, and
feeling while using technology and how they
would like to be treated by others.
Approximately Ages 5 - 8
Keep the “training wheels” on technology.
Using apps specifically designed for kids, like
Messenger Kids or YouTube Kids, on a
caregiver’s device can help support safety.
Institute of Digital Media and Child Development
Device Free Dinner
Family Media Agreement
A media plan can help families talk about what being screen free means:
• Screen free zones – This could include bedrooms, kitchens, or a
dining room table.
• Screen free times – This could include bedtimes, meal times, and
special events.
• Device “bedtime” – Adults and kids can talk about how a device will
sleep, including where it will be charged/stored overnight and when a
“wake up” will happen.
YouTube Kids (4+)
YouTube Kids provides curated selections of content,
parental control features, and filtering of videos not
deemed to be appropriate for younger kids.
Messenger Kids (4+)
Messenger Kids provides more parental control
features and works on all tablets and
smartphones.
Approximately Ages <8 – 12
Use device or app-based tools for safety when giving
access to technology.
Kids in this age range want more independence, and
also do not have the cognitive or emotional skills to
make safe decisions without caregiver support.
Institute of Digital Media and Child Development
-Dr. Claire Coyne, Ph.D.
Lurie Children’s Hospital
“All screen time is not equal. We
encourage parents to think less about the
blunt measurement of screen time, and
more carefully about how their children
spend time on devices and what that
means for their social development.
…consider whether or not online activities
are enhancing social support and
facilitating social connectedness
versus negative interactions that focus on
social comparisons and reduce time spent
in in-person interactions.”
Apple Restrictions
Screentime Tools
Passive versus Active Screentime
Passive
• Streaming videos
• Scrolling through social
media, especially with
social comparisons
• Video games without
complex interactions
Active
• Coding games
• Active video game
systems like Nintendo
Switch, XBox Kinect
• Creating music or
poetry
YouTube (17+)
The YouTube algorithm favors clicks, engagement in
comments and surveys.
Turning off AutoPlay can help tweens make safe
decisions with their media use.
Approximately Ages <13 – 15
• Set clear boundaries.
• Use logical consequences when teens cross safe boundaries.
• Teens may highly value screentime. Try not to use screentime as a
reward or discipline, outside of the family media agreement.
• Focus on risk coping skills and exit strategies.
Institute of Digital Media and Child Development
Risk Coping Skills – “What If?”
• “What if you see that someone is being bullied in a group chat? What
about a game chat/Discord/Twitch?”
• “What if someone is making you uncomfortable online? Do you know
how to report someone in Instagram/Snapchat/TikTok/Be Real?”
• Have these conversations often and paired with fun activities – keep it
casual.
Exit Strategies
• Use family codewords to navigate complex social situations.
- A flower emoji could mean that they need you to call them.
- The word “blueberries” means they need you to say no to a request.
• Take the social heat for turning off a device or location services.
- “Ugh, my mom won’t let me FaceTime tonight! She’s so mean!”
- “I’m not active because my dad make me go into ghost mode.”
• “If you call me and need help, I will stay calm, and we can wait until the next
morning to talk about consequences.”
Institute of Digital Media and Child Development
SOCIAL MEDIA APPS
24
SOCIAL MEDIA APPS
25
Facebook (12+)
34% of teens have a Facebook account in 2021,
compared to 94% in 2012.
Twitter (17+)
A recent survey found that only 6% of teens rate Twitter
as their favorite app. Teens are more likely to view
Twitter as a source for news and entertainment.
Instagram (12+)
Some users have more than one account – a main account
as well as a “finsta” or “spam” account. Many teens believe
that a “finsta” or spam is safer than a main account.
Snapchat (12+)
App used to share stories and videos with captions among friends.
These images can only be shared with select friends and will “self-
destruct” in 3-10 seconds.
Discord (12+)
Discord is the only cross-platform voice and text chat app
designed specifically for gamers.
Twitch (17+)
Twitch allows teens to watch live videos of their favorite
games, connect with other gamers in real time with full-
featured live chat or go live.
TikTok (12+)
The most popular website in the world – more popular than Google or
Facebook. The algorithm on TikTok uses positive as well as negative
feedback to provide a highly customized “For You Page”.
TikTok Challenges
“Online challenges or dares typically involve people recording
themselves doing something difficult, which they share online to
encourage others to repeat. The majority are fun and safe, but some
promote harmful behaviors including the risk of serious injury.” –
TikTok Community Guidelines
TikTok Challenges
• 1 in 5 teens engaged in a TikTok challenge
• 1 in 50 teens engaged in a TikTok challenge considered
risky or dangerous
Why are challenges so popular?
• It is developmentally appropriate for young people to
seek connection, and social engagement is a critical
part of identity development
• TikTok provides short bursts of dopamine through
social validation and humor
Why are challenges so popular?
• The prefrontal cortex is not fully developed until the late
20s, so youth may experience:
• Difficulty assessing the danger or risk of a
challenge
• Difficulty regulating their emotions
BeReal (12+)
BeReal was created in 2020 and is advertised as “an authentic,
spontaneous, and candid social network.” It sends a notification every
day and gives users a two-minute window to capture a photo.
Precise
Location
Some apps can use Precise
Location to get to your
specific location.
To share only your
approximate location —
which may be sufficient for
an app that doesn’t need
your exact location — turn
Precise Location off.
Gas (12+)
Launched in 2022, users join their school network and add friends to
their Gas account. They can answer polls about students and users get
flames when “picked” by others.
Institute of Digital Media and Child Development
www.childrenandscreens.com
Centered
YouTube Series by and for Black Families
Mindfulness and Emotional Regulation
Apps
